I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
