why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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