Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
