Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
