just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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