No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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