Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
