Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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