I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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