Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize