I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
