I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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