Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
