Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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