im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
