i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
