She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
