Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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