I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
