So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
