hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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