guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
