dude i'm inner monologue high
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
