I bet he comes in French.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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