I'm going to jail i love you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
