oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
