oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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