which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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