She just used a chaser for red wine.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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