dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
