girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
