I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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