The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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