yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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