Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
