Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
