so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
