Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
