wake up i wanna do it froggy style
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
