do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
