Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
