hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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