What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
