Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
