Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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