u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
