She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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