have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
