Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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