i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
