is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
