Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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