I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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