I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
