First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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