Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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