like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
