the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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