Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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