The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
