i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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