Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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