No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
