and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
