Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
