do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
