you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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