Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
