Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You left your phone here
Wait...
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